Papa

This day is one of the happiest yet the saddest moment in my life. Today, I was able to see the first man who broke my heart, my father. The moment I saw him, I couldn’t help but to cry. It’s been a while… I haven’t seen him for a very long period of time. I was so happy because finally, I saw him. However, while looking at him, my heart is totally breaking. He was so old and thin, and everytime I look at him, I hope I could take care of him. I hope I would be able to make him feel loved everyday. However, this would is so cruel, all I want was to express my love to my father but I couldn’t simply do that because I am in a very complicated family. I am really afraid I won’t be able to have a time to make him happy because I know that this world can be more cruel. He may not be perfect and we didn’t have the best experiences with him but I believe he deserves to receive a genuine love from his daughter. He deserves to have everything nothing but the best.

All i want was to have a simple and peaceful life with my family. But everytime I’m trying to do that, there’s always something that stops me. Sometimes I think this is happening because I don’t deserve to be happy or I’m thinking why should I be put in this situation. If someone go through in my heart, they would understand the pain I have been carrying for a long period of time. It hurts so much that I am always drowning with the same sadness that started when they left me.

I am always choosing to fight that’s why I’m trying to handle everything alone. But i have been getting tired of this, how long can i manage this?

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